ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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