thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
