Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
