dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize