There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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