dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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