what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
