So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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