It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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