Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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