That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
