You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
