yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
