i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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