How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
