Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
