i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
