There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
