Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
