Buhtt sex?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
