Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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