Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
