East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
