I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
