New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My feet surprised me
Randomize
