just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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