mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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