I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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