Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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