Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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