Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
