It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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