Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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