My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
