forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Blood and glitter go together right?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
