had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize