she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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