I'm drive I can fine osifer
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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