Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
