Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
