and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
