Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
