She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
