Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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