dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize