Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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