Will you blow on my dice?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
