i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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