apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
