i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
