I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm like, not good at living.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
