there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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