to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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