just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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