billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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