Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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