my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
