I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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