Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
