I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize