Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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