why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
