I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she told me i tasted like america
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize