If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
