i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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