Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
