my being single is dangerous.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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