GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize