Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
