he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
