You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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