im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
time to smoke my breakfast
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
