I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
