There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
