shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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