guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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