Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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