I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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