This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
